26. San Salvador

26.


Back in San Salvador

I take stock. I’ve been on the road for two months and already I see that I am practically nothing I thought I was. The mirror shows me new things and not all good things by any means.

About morality: I just don’t know what it is right now. I try not to hurt people and that’s easy as long as I keep on the move, but as soon as I roost, relationships start to form, my energy is drained and I spend time and money on nothing I value. So I am selective of my friends and conservative of my energy, time and money—but usually I feel rather lost—searching but not finding. This “earthprobe”—I am literally betting my life that it will help me understand.

There are a couple of letters for me at the San Salvador post office. They help.

(Hey, Tom of the future, when you read these words, remember where you were in evolution and don’t be too appalled! Your earlier self, Starship,) (Check! Tom of the past! Not appalled, just surprised--to still be around after all these changes and years. My goodness, young fellow, you sure had a LOT to learn!! )

I find that my mind becomes strangely active on these super-long bus trips. There’s nothing to do but sit and think. Is this “meditation”? Yesterday, passing through the green hills of Costa Rica, I started having flash on flash of “cosmic truths”. For the first time in my life I understood that “everything IS beautiful and everything IS OK”. Evil vanished. Temporarily.

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